A Move

So I have been here in Portland for a couple of days now and the movers are coming tomorrow to pack our things and haul it to our new home. It was pretty hard flying in the other day and I cried on the plane when I saw the airport Doug flew out of most [...]

6 Weeks

I laid in bed last night and realized that it has been 6 full weeks since Doug died.  I feel like the fog, the feeling of numbness is wearing off more than I would like for it to.  I’ve been keeping busy to a certain degree, finding a house, getting things set up here, being [...]

Not sure

Not sure what to say.
It has been over a month.
I have been trying to keep very busy and trying to find a house to be able to get Lido and I settled. That has been my focus right now…that if I just find a place for us to live and to start our ‘new life’ [...]

How does life go on?

How does life go on when you really just want to freeze it? You want everyone around you to stop. You want everything to be put on hold so that you can pick up the shards, the pieces, that lie around you. Until then – you want nothing to go on as if nothing happened.
Over [...]

One Year One Month

My Dearest Lido,
You are one year and one month tomorrow. Our life has changed. Your Father died almost a month ago and I am just trying to make my way through it all. Feeling that I not only lost my love but I also lost my life. That somehow, I have to take the dreams [...]

Hard Day

This is the first day I’ve been by myself, completely alone, since Dodo’s death.
I think I’ve been crying about every 30 minutes…
I’m making calls to student loan people, etc. and having to tell call center people that he was killed. That he is dead. Having to say this over and over again, well, I don’t [...]

2 weeks 1 day

I’m not sure if or when I’ll stop counting. I think it is easier to move forward if I know how many days I’ve gone through. Actually, I don’t really think so.
Dodo’s memorial service Saturday was beautiful. I was amazed once again of the outpouring of support. I’m amazed at the outpouring of support that [...]

Holding on…

My darling husband,
We have a second memorial service tomorrow for you here in KC. I’m sure you are wriggling about the fact that you will have had two memorial services but you will also understand that you touched so many lives and meant so much to people that it will take two memorial services.
I’m actually [...]

4 years

My Dearest Husband,
It has actually been over 6 years that we met…again. Tomorrow will be our 4 year wedding anniversary. I can’t quite say will have been as nothing is quite true at this moment. I still haven’t taken the moment to have caught my breath as I really don’t want to. Right now I’m trying [...]

My Darling

My Darling Husband,
I write to you for the first time since your death, I suppose to maybe take a moment to make sure that you know it is every second that I think about you even though at this moment I have no idea how I continue.
The first couple of days without you, I knew [...]