Archive for June 2009

9 Months

15 June, 2009

My Dearest,

You are nine months old today.  Lately, I’ve been thinking more and more about the things that I want to teach you – the things that I want to teach you to help you develop into a happy, well-rounded, inquisitive, loving, gracious, easy-going, upstanding, loyal man.  I hope that I never make you feel like you must become “somebody”, meaning, make lots of money, become a doctor or lawyer, but rather I hope that I always make you feel like you must become “someone”.  Someone full of life, of hope, of kindness, of laughter, of playfulness, of responsibility. I don’t need to brag that my child is this or that but rather, I would hope to brag that my child defends the weak, loves the unlovable, has a great sense of humor, lives life to the fullest.

In wanting to teach you all of this, it is teaching me that I must do the same. Since, well, I suppose that you may follow in my footsteps – sometime more than I want you to.  I think that your father and I encompass all of these things – maybe not all at once and maybe not consistently – but overall.  I hope that by us following your Father’s dream and goal of being a helicopter pilot teaches you that it is okay to take a risk in life, no matter what age, no matter what moment in time, no matter what.  I hope that you see our struggles that we are going through and will go through and learn that couples/people go through these things because it is all a part of the path towards what we want.  I don’t want you to think that life is easy as I believe a child raised thinking this will grow into a very lazy adult.  Although, I don’t want you to see all the problems because I believe a child raised to see all the struggles and issues a family or a couple go through then becomes a very stressed child.  At the very least, I promise to shield and protect you and make certain that your childhood is a happy one and only divulge the struggles when they need to be divulged – in order to teach you.  I want to make certain that you know that when you start something – you finish it. I believe that this teaches you that 9 out of 10 times – you’ll end up liking what you started in the end and 10 out of 10 times you’ll at least have learned something from the experience.  And I hope that through all of these teachings, you know that you have parents that love you unconditionally and will support you no matter what (and by support – I don’t mean giving you everything….)

All of these things have been on my mind lately because well, you are growing so fast and I’m so afraid that I won’t give you one part of wisdom and you’ll grow up to be an asshole.  I find this highly unlikely because I don’t think we are assholes…and I think it takes one to make one…But still, it is on my mind.  I think that this is just part of my personality. When I think of something or want to do something – I want it done then and there. I have to remind myself you are only 9 months old and I have many more years…

Part of this is also because you seem to be moving at lighting speed. You pick up on things so quickly that I’m afraid I’m not doing enough or teaching you enough.  Over the past month you have mastered the stairs and are uber fast going up.  You have played your first game of toss with your Daddy…that only took about 5 seconds to understand what was being asked of you…”Lido throw the ball to Daddy like this”…giggle…and toss back!  You love being chased around the house and just shriek and laugh. Just tonight we showed you how to put the rings back on the base and after understanding that you couldn’t just throw it on the holder but had to be a little gentler and more precise…you did it. Our jaws dropped. It wasn’t an accident but deliberate – the look on your face told all.

You love being on our bed and crawling toward the comforter all piled up in the middle and burying your face in it. You love standing up and holding onto my hands and falling backwards into the soft cushiony down. You have even started to crawl around the living room and bury your face into anything plush and just giggle when Daddy does it too.

Yesterday, I watched you take a block and put it in a corner one way and take it out from in between the bookcase end. You spent 30 mintues doing this. You quickly discovered that there was more than one way to put it into the little corner that was surrounded by a box and bookshelf and toys in front.  You will take one item and decide that it needs to go on the top-most shelf and it doesn’t matter if you pick the item up from across the room…you are bound and determined to crawl over to the bookcase, pull yourself up while holding onto the item and place it on the shelf just barely out of reach.  You are loving putting things into boxes and taking them out and you do this over and over and over again.

One of the greatest things that you have started doing over this past month is “reading” your books. You finally decided that books can be looked at as well as eaten and so we get to read to you and flip pages and point out things in the book. Every once in a while we even get to read the actualy story to you.  We have some regular books (i.e. our books) that are out on a lower shelf on one of the bookcases and even though I was a bit hesitant at first – I’m glad that they are still there.  You love pulling them off the shelf and flipping the pages. I don’t blame you. It’s easier to flip pages on these books than on your books…I’m waiting for your first papercut or first round of ripping pages out. So far though, we have been lucky.

This month has also ushered in Panda the Cat being your friend.  I think she has finally realized that you are here to stay AND that you could potentially be a good playmate.  She loves coming onto the bed in the morning after we bring you in with us and snuggling up to you.  She even gave you kisses the other morning…you were asleep…She even lets you plop right on her or plop on her then proceed to crawl over her using her as an obstacle.  She is getting a bit choosier of when those times are.  I’m sure in the next month you will be chasing after her…because I would not be surprised if you took your first “by yourself” steps soon.  If you don’t have any distractions you are a fast little guy holding onto our fingers and we can pretty much just let you hang on for a bit of balance here and there.  Otherwise – it is all you.  Until you are distracted or tired.

Your Daddy pointed out tonight that you have 3 speeds. One speed is full out crazy energy. The second speed is sleeping and the third speed is about 5 minutes before you pass out.  You are still such an easy child even when you are on full speed and I’m just trying to get my first cup of coffee.  Because you are so easy it should make us know when something is wrong…but even then…you are a pretty easy child and we just figure that you are in a “mood”.  We never figure that you actually have a sinus infection and need meds…Yup – you had a sinus infection and the only reason we took you to the doctor was because you had this runny nose for a month.  Plus I was tired of hearing you sniff it all up into your brain.  Other than a bit of fussiness here and there I would never have known or thought that something was wrong.  I guess it is a lesson that you have taught us.  You are feeling much better and do not have the bouts of fussiness however, you have developped a new facial expression where you crunch up your nose and purse your lips together. You know use this when you don’t want something or are mad that you can’t have something (like the dog food).

Teeth – 4 teeth in all right now and you are loving your teeth.  You stick your tongue out at us all the time – I don’t think for the sake of a tongue sticking out contest but because you like the feel of your new top teeth against your tongue. You also like biting. Which has garnered you your first negative reaction from your parents. Along with loving to bury your face into pillows, blankets and carpet…you love biting whatever it is that you are burying your face into. So far you have managed to bite me in the arm, the boob and my stomach.  As for teaching you something – we are starting small this month and teeching you not to bite people. We’ll work on defending the little man later.  Your Daddy made a comment tonight about the fact that normally you don’t have to warn people when they pick up your child that he bites…I may need to get a warning label for you.

I still love the teeth though.

With the biting comes kissing…you will give us big kisses on occassion.  Never when we ask if we can have a kiss but it is when we are least expecting it and when you get excited about something or when we have to say goodbye or when we say hello.  I love these little moments because it is all you.  It is not us asking for it like it is some sort of parlor trick but it is a decision you are making and it is just precious to me. It means so much more just coming from you out of the blue than me asking for it. Thank you for that.

Bath time has changed over this past month. You have graduated from baths in the sink to baths in a rubber duck tub in the big bathtub.  You have also discovered splashing…which is so much fun…

Looking back on this past month and all the things you have been doing and learning, I realize that you have taught me far more than I have taught you.  I have a feeling that this is how it will be for the rest of our lives.  You are teaching me to be a better person, to relax, to be in the moment.  It is nice to be taught these things and live them day in and day out.  It actually makes this seemingly fleeting time go by a little slower. All I want to do is just sit and watch you. Just see life through your eyes.  See the little discoveries you make each minute.  Watch you work through something.  You are just amazing.

Just recently, I found out that an old friend has throat cancer which has now spread to her lungs and lymph nodes.  She just had a baby a little over a month ago.  I don’t know the full story of whether she found out about the throat cancer while she was pregnant or before.  All I know is that thinking about the most likely outcome for her – pains me – that she will probably not have these moments with her child that I am having with mine.  That her child will not know her Mom as you hopefully will know me.  I think that this is part of my panicky feeling of needing to impart all this “wisdom” to you.  However, I hope that if something would happen to me, that you could look back on my life and the stories that people have of me and the things that I have done and learn what it is that I want to teach you.  I hope and pray that we are never parted but I will always live my life with you to the fullest.  And you need to know that you have taught me, in the few months that you have been a part my life, that this is possible – everything else can wait.

My dearest Lido you are a wonder, a god-send, precious, loving and full of spunk.  You are perfect.

I love you always,

Your Mom

My two dearest men…this frickin’ gets me every time…you are sleeping the same…

Wedding, Walk & Family 2009 May 147

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Phew…

12 June, 2009

As far as I know I have survived another round of layoffs at work…I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised since I am on a project that is a ‘go’ in these times…but still…corporations do funny things sometimes.

Anyway – no talk about work.

We recently bought the Wii Active. And it promptly kicked my ass. And now I am trying to kick back at it…although I am a bit discouraged because in the past 7 days I have only taken 1 day off of not working out to the Wii Active or running and have lost ZIP!!!  What? I am getting older.  Before 30 – working out for 6 days straight would easily drop 10 lbs. I think for every year after 30…well…I think it takes that many months to lose it…I’m not gong to get discouraged yet. But seriously.

So Lido has been eating “real” food for quite some time and has now decided in the past few weeks that he is not really too happy with baby food any longer.  He has quite the appetite though which makes me need to get into gear about planning meals out a bit.  I don’t want to get into a rut of feeding him mac n cheese and hot dogs…He loves my frittata and quesidillas and goat cheese and havarti and I think I may need to get him to eat more fresh veggies versus what is in the frittata.  Although half the time those fresh veggies just slide right on through.

I’ll save all the rest of the little child discoveries for his 9 month later so you’ll be forced to come back and read my blog…

In other news…

I found something very interesting the other day but can’t think of what it is now.  Maybe I should start writing these items down or maybe it really wasn’t all that interesting and this is my mind’s way of telling me this.

I’ve got nothing. I think I’ll go work out.

Here is a picture to tide you over.

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Seedlings

3 June, 2009

Lido is not 9 months yet….and with this post I will have posted at least twice prior to his 9 month letter….

Good sign.

My little seedlings are doing well. I get a small thrill each day going out and inspecting them and tallking to them. I never knew that a part of the seed is “shed” off from some plants as they sprout. It has been nice to take a step back and pay attention to the very very small things in life.

So I’ve been putting out some feelers regarding possible jobs for me in KC so that we can move back. Dodo is almost done with his hours and the company has recently implemented a 1000 hr. layoff policy…you reach your 1000 hrs and you are laid off…pretty much sucks right now because all the jobs out there just RAISED their minimums.  A lot of pilots are out of work – a lot of new low time pilots are out of work.  We both knew that it would take a bit of time to find the “perfect” job – years possibly – but we never thought we would be in the situation that we are facing. I don’t think any of our fellow pilot friends had any inkling of this either.

This is why I’ve started putting out the vibes to KC. Then I found something on the web for a place that I will not disclose. All I will tell you is that it is sunny pretty much all year around…surrounded by ocean…and life could go at a much much muuuuch slower pace.  Then I started daydreaming about what it would be like living there. How much fun and a great opportunity it would be to raise a kid (for a couple of years) there. Expose him to all sorts of cool things. Then I started thinking how nice it would be to just live a very simple life. Sell most of our things…pack up the rest…

It isn’t that I don’t want to move back because I do. It’s just that we came here to Portland for one reason. We have to keep that reason in the forefront of our minds while really taking an opportunity that may be a lot of fun for a while. I’m sure it would be hard…that much further away. I just don’t want to get down the road in 10 years and say I wish I would have taken that experience…even if it turns out to be not what we expected.

We have so many ideas that we are tossing up in the air…starting our own school back in KC…on a small scale…but it would be mainly to get Dodo the additional hours that he needs for something else…so would our hearts really be in it for the right reasons?

Move back and not fly for a while and see if things….turn around? I don’t think that they really will in the aviation industry.  Maybe in several years.  This situation will definitely weed out the players that go out and make something happen versus those that peruse the boards and wait for something to happen.  I don’t really want to move back and have Dodo not fly. I don’t think that either of us would be happy.  A dream would be very stagnant.

I have struggled for several years about feeling like I am out of my element. That this is not home. That I miss my family and friends too much to stay away any longer. Thinking about what we may need to do so that Dodo can fly…and having a child…changes things.  I’d love for him to have some really great experiences while he is a child even if that means he may not remember all of them but at least he will know that his parents took a chance, gave him an opportunity to taste different cultures at a young and in a sense bucked the system.  He may grow up and never leave the one place we settle down in…but I think taking chances right now…having another adventure with a kid in tow…I think it may do all of us good in the end.

In some ways our move to Portland has been preparing me the last 3 years of doing something like this….I think that it is still preparing me for it.  It is definitely teaching me to make more than one plan, be ready for anything and think outside the box when it comes to raising our little family.

Who knows what the next couple of months will bring. Am I prepared to move…are we financially prepared to move…not really. Maybe this is another lesson…The whole situation is a bit like my little seedlings.  I don’t know what all of them are but some look the same and those that look the same are growing differently. The ones that were planted not from seeds but from plants are doing well…but part of them are not…some of established plants are coming back to life…Some of the seeds are not coming up at all even though they are supposed to be coming up right now…and some are sprouting and shedding their shells.

Right now our little family is planting our seeds, watching our plants that we already have continue to grow and waiting to see what comes up in that pot on the left side of the deck…Some things may never grow past a certain point, some things may grow only for one season and yet some things may grow big and live a long time.

Wherever we end up – is where we are supposed to be.

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