One Year Today

My Dearest Lido,

You are one today.

My mind is trying to keep up with this. At this moment a year ago I was in the hospital deciding whether or not to stay or go home and see if you would decide to come in a few days.  We induced because there was nothing, absolutely nothing, going on as far as labor. I thought you would be born on your Great-Grandfather’s 80th birthday but that was not to be. I didn’t want to go home though because I was then thinking that you may wait until my birthday a few days later to poke your little head into the world…and I thought that we should go ahead and give you your own special day…It only took another 24 hrs for you to arrive and then you came pretty quick once things started! So quick in fact that you had the most perfect round head, blood shot eyes from the pressure and a bruised forehead, nose and face from everything happening so quickly…sorry about that. The epidural was wearing off.

Your birth was perfect. You came into our arms and into our family. That is perfection.

It has been a very strange year. I sometimes, well, a lot of times, don’t have any clue as to what I am doing and I feel like we don’t have the connection that I’d like to have. I know a lot of it is because I don’t have all the time that I want with you. I don’t get to be with you all the time and teach you things, play with you, develop our own little funny things.  I am really missing those opportunities. I promise you that I do try and make up for it on the weekends and in the evening and I am thankful, albeit a lot jealous, that you love your daycare and never cry when I leave you…although one day…if you could…cry a little bit when I leave. Just until I’m out the door and in my car.  Then you can go about your day and play and explore.

I have to remind myself that you are in the same zone every day. You are figuring it all out. Sometimes, I feel like you are going to have your whole life figured out by the time you are 3 the way things are going. The five minutes before you go to bed – well – that is the only time that I feel like you are even the slightest bit relaxed and willing to let your mind stop. Then you reach out for the book I’m reading to you at bedtime and want to kiss the picture of the kitties…and I realize that your mind is not shut off at all. I wonder sometimes does it even shut off when you sleep? Knowing you, you are probably listing out the things you must accomplish or figure out the next day (by the way – lists run in our family…)

We have opened up the downstairs to you. You were beginning to scream at the top of your lungs if we put you in the living room to play while we did other things. You want to be by us and around us and of course see what kind of “trouble” you can get into. I’m glad for this in a way because I know you are just taking all of it in. You are fascinated with phones and hold our cell phones or home phone up to your head and squeak out a “hi”.  You think you are so cool. You have – or had – a few words in your vocabulary but have not spoken them for a few weeks now. But your like that. You do something for a few days, then go on to the next thing. Then I worry that you are not ‘progressing’ how you should and the very next day you are up and instead of taking a couple wobbly steps you are running everywhere. It is like you try it – figure that you can do it – then decide to wait until you are good and ready to do it full force. I think you may do that with talking. You had a few words…thought that was good enough…made the parents happy…then in a couple weeks you will be reciting the Illiad in Greek.

You sleep like a dream now – and you better not be picking up ANY vibes that I just said this! We spent several months agonizing over taking a bottle away from you for your pre-bedtime meal. I decided that if you wanted it, you needed it and that I would ignore the pediatrician.  Then one night I just took it from you after a couple minutes and you decided that you were done with it.  You also used to fall asleep in our arms at night while we rocked and sung to you – and then one night you were just ready to go to your crib and fall asleep on your own. I know that people say that that is the best thing…but I feel sad at times that I don’t have that snuggle time with you anymore.  Especially since you are a man on the go these days.  I hope that you do find some time in the coming years to just snuggle with me and let me hold you in my arms. You are just growing up way too fast.

I do worry that we don’t do enough for you but I know that you will let us know if you feel like you are missing out on things.  That seems to be your attitude in life. You are still a very happy baby – especially if you get your way – and even more so when we understand what it is that you want!

You are walking like crazy and everyone once in a while will try and run. You tried jumping the other day but haven’t done it since. I think you decided that you weren’t quite ready for that one…remember…you have to save some things for later. You found that you can grab the cats tail and follow her wherever she goes. She does not really find this amusing by the way. You also love that cat very much and give her hugs and kisses. You know that poor old Maggie B loves you and you are very careful around her. You touch her so gently and pet her very nice. You even crawl or walk slowly around her so as to not disturb her when she is sleeping.

The other night Maggie B got out the front door and I had you in my arms and my bag over my shoulder chasing after her. No leash and definitely no obedience from her. I ended up having to pick her up with my free arm and carry both of you back, up the stairs and to the front door. You giggled and laughed and thought the whole thing was funny. Lucky for you I didn’t let on that my arms were about to fall off and my chances of dropping both of you were growing exponentially. Luckily for you and the Maggie B we made it safely inside.

Lido, you are a constant source of amazement. A constant source of laughter. A constant source of worry and headaches. A constant source of reminding me to take it all in. Thank you for making me a mom.

And every once in a while, could you please remember to snuggle with me? I’d appreciate the time. Even if it is for a split second.

Darling, happy birthday.

I love you. In this life and the next.

Your Mom

Lido and Mommy one week out from his first birthday.

CannonBeachSept1209 004

11 months 3 weeks and 3 days old with Mommy at Cannon Beach.

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6 months pregnant:

June 2008 313

About 8 months and then some pregnant…wow.

Baby Liam 054

Ultrasound at around 26 weeks.

BABY LIAM 3D4D_22

September 16th. Two minutes old. Look at that bruised face!

Baby Liam 065

About 10 hours old.

Baby Liam 095

5 Days old.

Copy of PICT0160

9 months:

LiamApril2009 293

11 Months:

LiamBirthdayRocker 010

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One Comment on “One Year Today”

  1. jdoublep Says:

    happy b-day, little homie!


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