Two long…

It has been 8 weeks. Liam is 14 months. The pain will not go away and just seems to be getting worse.

The past couple of days have been hard. I feel so lonely. I spend my days trying to keep busy but I don’t have the energy to do this…so I just focus on Liam but then everything else just stops. I have cried more lately and especially today. It was so hard for some reason today. I keep thinking more and more about you and that you are not here with me and feel like the fog is lifting a little here and there. I don’t know if I want it to lift. I feel like I have no idea how I’m going to do this. I depended on you for so many things – emotional things – physical things. I don’t know how I will ever be complete again – if ever. It hurts so much that you are not here to see your son growing up every day. You were always the cool parent…I feel like I am going to miss so many things that you would like for him to know or do with him. It just all hurts so much.

I need to write Lido’s 14 month letter…I have to. I need for him to know that even though I feel like things have fallen completely apart and I’ll never find all the pieces that he is the most important thing in my life…and my one love.

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