Today was warm. Very warm. Although it didn’t melt all the snow in the backyard…

LiDo ended up falling asleep in the car on the way home from visiting a couple of daycares. After trying to get him to eat some lunch and not succeeding to a certain degree I put him to bed to see if he would take more than a car nap…it wasn’t to be. So I packed him into the stroller and we headed down to the park near our house. We were the only ones there which was nice. He had the entire jungle gym to himself and boy was he all over the thing. We had been to this park when we first moved in but LiDo was still a bit unstable on his feet so I was constantly running after him and climbing up to rescue him from certain falls (by the way they need to make some of these things a little more adult friendly). Today however, he was climbing up the steps, walking across the bouncy bridge and the one thing I was so proud of him doing…he went down the slide by himself. No fear. Just sat down and went. And it was the big kid slide not the little one…

And then WHACK. Grief just swept over me, through me, around me. It was you who took him down his first slide. A week before you died. I look at things like this and think that you were the one who taught him how to go down a slide and now he is doing it by himself and then I think about all the things that you are not here to teach him to do. I just try and hold on to the things that he did learn from you and remember those times to tell him that it was you who taught him that…I just wish those times wouldn’t run out so soon.

On the other hand there are thousands of things that he will learn from you by hearing stories from me.

Just lately I’ve started adding to his bedtime routine. He understands absolutely everything that you say to him so I thought it would be good to start a bedtime tradition of telling you what we did that day. We already ‘kiss Daddy’ – I have a picture of you in his room that he kisses good night and then Mommy gets a kiss too. So the past couple of nights we have been telling you about our day. I just want him to always know that it is okay to talk to you and talk about you. So I hope you are listening.

My bedtime routine is still the same as always. I turn to your side of the bed and tell you that I love you. I lay towards where you used to lay and cry. The crying part is new and the fact that you are not there is also new…I hope you hear me too.

Explore posts in the same categories: Flying Dodo, Lido

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