The past few weeks have been rough. Reality bites and then bites again. That fog that I have spoken about keeps lifting and drifting further away. And the pain increases with every wisp gone.

Lately it is just thinking that Liam has so much to go through without a father. A father that loved being a father, a dad, a proud poppa. It is thinking about all of the things that I must go through alone. A lot of these feelings were brought to the surface by going to the frickin’ Dinosaur exhibit this weekend. I choose not to do these things very often because it just hurts way too much. Doug should have been there. We should have been a family there. I miss doing things as a family. Holding his hand. Loving him with our son. Loving him with me. Loving us. It was so wonderful.

Lately it is missing his touch. His hugs. His kiss.

I didn’t think I could hurt any more than I have been hurting these past months. But I am.

I am lucky I have my son. He is the reason I continue to get up in the morning. So much like his Dad. So much like Us.

Ice pack moment after he fell and split his lip…

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