Twenty One – Months

My Dearest Little One,

You are twenty one months old…and have been for a few days now. Things have been a little bit busy around our house this week and I just haven’t had time to sit down and write to you. Instead I’ve been chasing after you, playing with you, laughing with you.

Every day you look so much more grown up than the previous day. It makes me sad to see, I’d love for you to be that small baby that I could hold in my arms all of the time. Instead you are on a constant go. You help me water the plants at night. You chase after Panda Kitty. You see all of the changes around you. If I change one thing, paint a wall, hang a picture, you notice it. You walk in to the room and with one hand make a sweeping gesture and say ‘ahhh’ at the same time. It is completely adorable and I appreciate your apparent appreciation of whatever it is that I have done. You are quick to smile and laugh and you have outgrown the screaming which has been very nice. Although I am still on my guard when we are out and about for it to creep up again. It has only reared its head maybe once or twice. I can handle that. Glad your out of the phase though.

Your talking more and more every day. I got you to say margarita the other night. You tend to nail the difficult words and have no time for a simple ‘cat’ or ‘dog’ now and then. Today you spent pretty much the entire time outside. It was super hot but you stayed cool in the shade and playing in the water. We even made snow cones with our new snow cone maker. You loved it. I loved it as well.

This past month it seems like you have latched on to me a little more. Maybe ‘latching on’ isn’t the right term…It just seems like we have more of ‘our thing’ going on. Things that just you and I do together. Funny faces, sounds, hugs, chocolate kisses. Different things. It’s nice. I guess its especially nice because I know if your Dad were alive, the two of you would have a million things like this to share. Things that were just the two of you. It makes me feel like I’m doing something right.

Father’s Day is coming up in a couple of days. I’m not sure what we will do. Maybe we’ll just head to the park for a while. Relax and have a picnic. Just the two of us. That day isn’t going to be easy. It will also mark 9 months that your Dad has been gone. My heart still just breaks every time I think about how long he has been away from us.

I found some pictures of your Daddy the other day. It has been a few months since I had looked at them. It was when he was little and oh how the two of you look so much alike.  People always comment on how you look so much like me…but if they only knew. Maybe I should carry one of those pictures around with me…

I love you baby. Thank you for making me feel like I’m doing okay by you. You are a wonderful child. So sweet and loving and full of mischief. Mischief to the point that you figured out how to get the baby gates unscrewed. The second time you did it, you manage to make it downstairs and walked into the living room with the biggest, sly smile on your face. A smile that said ‘damn I’m proud of myself’ while at the same time said ‘ha, gotcha’ while at the same time said ‘ oh shit am I going to get in trouble?’  All I could do was let my jaw hit the floor in amazement and follow that up with laughing for quite a long time.

Music is something you definitely love. Dancing around the house and jumping is your thing right now. Especially jumping. You are so good at it and know how to jump OFF the ground with both feet at the same time…Your pretty cool.

I got you your first set of matchbox cars. The first night you had them I didn’t even rock you to sleep…instead you took three of the cars and went straight to your bed. About twenty minutes later though you decided that you still needed me…So I sat in the rocker and you climbed onto my lap and then grabbed my hand and wanted me to hold it out while you placed each car delicately in the palm of my hand. You even closed my hand around them as if you were giving me your most precious gift for safe keeping. Then you snuggled into me and fell asleep.

My sweet child, you keep me going. You make me smile and laugh. I love you.

Always and forever, in this life and the next,

Your Mom

My sly guy…

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