26 Months – 2 years 2 months

My Dearest Lido,

I think I skipped a month of writing to you. I didn’t go back to see if I had or not…sometimes it is hard to go back and see what I’ve written while other times it helps in this whole process. The past couple of months it hasn’t been a good idea to do.

Let’s talk about you though…You – the smiling, laughing, knowing what you want – You.

You are totally into Star Wars, Thomas the Train, Batman, Spiderman and anything that flies. You still have yet to say helicopter…well, you did once but then you were adamant that it was an airplane. You have several helicopters that you play with along with one airplane…but they are all airplanes right now. There is no correcting you at this point. So when you say airplane, I say helicopter and we go about our business.

I think I’ve given you a little too much room as of late because a couple of ‘incidents’ have happened in the past couple of months. You see, typically, I let you go downstairs after you wake up in the morning and get a breakfast bar and bring it back upstairs. You climb into bed with me and watch Dora or Little Einsteins and eat that damn crumbly sticky breakfast bar. I do this all in hopes of getting at least 20 more minutes of shut-eye. I pay for it though. I end up with breakfast bars stuck to me by the time I wake up fully. The other morning however, somehow, you got a hold of the cupcake sprinkles. I think that I had moved some things around and left them on the counter. Well, you pulled up your step stool and grabbed them and brought them up with you. I happened to be in the shower at the time and by the time I got out of the shower, you had dumped pretty much the entire bottle…all over the hallway floor and bathroom floor. When I got out of the shower, I found you laying on the floor in your footed pj’s licking the sprinkles up off of the floor…

It took me a few days to clean this up. Every once in a while you find one lone sprinkle in a corner or on the staircase…and you immediately bend down to lick it up. The five-minute rule, apparently, is not understood quite yet.

This morning, you went down to get the breakfast bar and never came back up. I went down to check on you – since you had slept in until 6:45am I was a little more coherent. Anyway, I found you in the living room just standing in between the couch and the ottoman with your little hands clenched in fists and you leaning on the ottoman. You just looked at me as if nothing was going on…It was a look that I did not expect to see for quite a few years. It wasn’t a look of guilt, it was a look of ‘don’t act like anything is out of the ordinary and she’ll leave’ look. I saw something poking out of your hand…and found out that you hand two fistfuls of Tums. I think you had one and I took the rest from you. You were not happy and you were not willing to have cereal instead. After throwing a fit and me removing practically everything from the counter…I went upstairs to get ready. About 10 minutes later you headed upstairs and had a banana in your hand. A peeled banana. I couldn’t believe that you had peeled that thing by yourself and told you that you had done a really good job. You got a big smile and were quite proud of yourself.

I still haven’t found the banana peel.

You have started to want to ‘read’ to me. Which is so adorably cute. I love it. You can count to 10. You recognize some letters. You love elephants and call monkeys ‘monmonks’. You tell me you love me. You are shy with strangers and don’t talk to your day school teachers. They’ve asked me several times now if you talk at home. I keep telling them that I have absolutely no worries about your comprehension or language development. You talk and talk and talk – for certain people. Maybe you just don’t like them…

I know you understand everything that is put in front of you and you remember it all. Sometimes I wonder but then you do something (like count to ten) out of the blue and I stop worrying. I had a neighborhood association meeting to go to last week and I tried to get you to play in the kids area but you wouldn’t have it. Later, you grabbed my hand and looked up at me and said ‘show my classroom’…It took me by surprise that you would use ‘classroom’ and knew that you got everything that your teachers were saying. You are a bright boy. You just keep these things to yourself sometimes. You can’t be a boy genius and let everyone know after all….

You have been asking about Dadda lately. I know I’ve written about that…I try and include him in on a lot of conversations. I tell you how much you look like him. I tell you when you do something just like your Dadda. It is truly a gift and a reassurance that your Dad lives on. You asked me the other day ‘where Dadda home?’ and I told you that his home was in the sky. So now you point to the sky and say ‘Dadda home’.

My darling child, you are my life. I never thought that I would find myself on the path that I am on but I am on this path and I promise to try to do the best for you. I miss your Dad so much. I find myself wanting to run home and tell him the things that you are doing or the things that are happening with the foundation that I started in his memory. I sometimes wonder if I should be doing this because what if you decide to become a pilot…I can’t lose you. I’m a firm believer in supporting you no matter what you decide to do. If you do go that path, I hope that I will have taught you enough about living life, loving as much and as fully as humanly possible and that things can happen but we must still follow our dreams. I hope to teach you how your Dad lived his life as a pilot and a human being. I guess I bring this up because it has been asked of me a couple of times in the past couple of months. I just want you to know that you reach for whatever dream you have. I’ll be here to support you and love you unconditionally.

I love you.

Your Mom

In this life and the next.

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