I heard your voice today

I was trying to find the usb for the external hard drive and came across our camera. You used this camera more than I did especially when you flew. You’d take it with you and capture shots or video. The battery hasn’t worked for the past year – I can’t find the charger – so I popped the card out and plugged it into the computer.

And that is when I heard your voice.

You had taken several videos of Lido…I really wanted to see you. I held my breath hoping you would sit the camera down on the table and walk into the frame. I wanted to see you and hear you all at once.

I’ve been struggling lately. Our life seems like such a dream. Something that didn’t really happen. I’m faced with things each day regarding the crash, the foundation, our son but my mind still treats it all with efficiency and prufuctoryness. I deal. I move. But I don’t fully comprehend.

Hearing you and seeing your hand come in and out of the frame tickling our son – reminded me that our life was real. That you were real.

Unfortunately, it also is a big reminder that you are not here. So my heart breaks more and the tears come.

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