A Sunday

Part 3 of 365

Sundays are not my favorite day.

Today, though, showed me that it could be a good day again.

Lido and I went Christmas shopping and besides my panic attack in the bike aisle at Toys R Us and his meltdown in the Thomas the Train aisle, it was pretty fun. I had never taken him there – and I’m not sure I’ll ever go again – and he had saucer eyes and was on sensory overload. After getting his presents (I stealthily hid them in the cart and kept making him look at this and that in front of him) we went out for a slice of pizza. He loves this local pizza place and as we walked in he headed straight for the tables. He wanted to get a good seat to watch them make the pizza and toss the dough. I managed to order our food and have him wait with me but the moment I said ‘let’s go’ he ran off to get his glass of water filled and concentrated on carrying it to his perfect table.

It was amazing. I was kind of caught up in the moment of trying to get his water glass filled and making sure he didn’t spill it while carrying it but when I realized that he had a plan before we even walked in there I stepped back from the minutia and watched him. I stopped worrying about the little things and just took in what he was doing. We have eaten inside only a handful of times but he knew exactly where he wanted to sit. It had been months since we had been there last but he remembered that they tossed the pizza dough and he wanted to see it. He picked out a table for two and told me to sit in one chair as he carefully set his glass on the table by the chair he was taking. He took his coat off, his cap off and made sure that his cap was stuffed inside his coat sleeve and everything handed over to me prior to him climbing up in his chair and leaning against the partition that separated the pizza maker and him – to watch him make pizza.

The table was not chosen by random either. We had passed a good half dozen tables to reach this particular one. The one that was tucked toward in the far side of the restaurant. But he knew, he knew it would give him the best vantage point.

He watched the pizza maker make a couple of pizzas then sat down and started asking me ‘what’s that?’ Ahhhh, the endless joys of that question…He gets a sly smile on his face when he asks because he knows that I know he knows what ‘that’ is. He starts to giggle and then our pizza slices come. He picks of every slice of pepperoni and cheese on his pizza, eats that then he starts eating the top of the naked slice of pizza, telling me it is cheese. Sometimes I wish I could make him believe that every piece of food is cheese. He has never quite believed that a carrot is actually cheese. I can’t even get away with telling him that the thing of yogurt is ice cream…

After he is covered in pizza sauce we head home.  I had picked up some photo paper to try out my new mega photo printer so I put him to sleep so I could play a little bit. He had napped a bit in the car but I was hoping to get some kind of nap out of him but that wasn’t going to happen so he came in and I had been printing out pictures of him and his Dad. I don’t have any of him and Doug up around the house except for when he was a pretty little baby. I thought it was important to hang some of him as a ‘bigger’ baby. Some of the best ones I have are of him and Doug the week before…So we were looking at those and man, was that mind working. He was really studying the picture. Looking at it hard with a tilt of his head and his eyebrows furrowed as if the image was conjuring up some memories or maybe he was thinking ‘why the fuck isn’t the person here anymore’.

We put the pictures away and headed downstairs to play and then his Grandma came over and we went to dinner. This child – again, I just had to step back and watch and not worry about the minutia. He took two straws and put them in his mouth and started making funny noises. How the hell does he come up with this stuff? He’s only two!

The entire day just reminded me to step back and really be with him. See him instead of watching.

I’m glad I had this today. It made a Sunday…well…a good Sunday.


And this is all of me.


Explore posts in the same categories: Widowhood

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