Highs and Lows

I’ve been working for weeks, months rather, on the website and branding for my foundation. It’s not enough to be on a roller coaster with grief but I’ve had to add another ride that molds into that one…

My first meeting with the gentleman that did the branding went well. I did have to compose myself a couple of times, especially when trying to get across the ‘feel’ of the foundation, the ‘feel’ of the website, the ‘feel’ of a helicopter pilot, the ‘feel’ of Doug.

I didn’t want to break down in front of him and I managed to put on a brave face.

Then the website development came. Wanting to get something out there asap meant that I was going to need to use a template but I was having problems finding the right one. I had been using one but it had a bright orange flower on the front and I could not STAND IT!!! I couldn’t write content because there was no way in hell that I felt creative when there was a flower bigger than my logo on the website…I ended up finding another template to use that was more along the colors and feel that I was going for. I wonder if the fact that the picture on the template was a man that looked a lot like Doug playing with his son in a field of grass had anything to do with my decision….

Anyway, I switched templates and my designer did a banner for me…I sent him a photo that I wanted to incorporate. It was a portion of a picture that I took during my first flight with Doug. We were flying over Sunset Highway in Oregon. The full picture is awesome but I only wanted to use a portion – it had the right look and feel to it.

He developed the banner with the logo and the picture and sent it over to me. I was so in love with it and elated that I called him at once so he could hear how happy I was. After a few brief words, I hung up the phone and burst into tears.

I want to be elated with what I’m doing but at the same time…I don’t want the reason I’m doing this to exist. I want him to exist. In the flesh. Beside me.

I want to run to him and tell him everything that is going on. When I was this excited over something, I always ran to him the first second I could, just to tell him whatever it was that I was excited over. No one ever smiled at me the way he did. I always had his attention. If I could tell him face to face about this website banner…he would give me that smile, that great big smile, chuckle and tell me ‘that’s awesome’ in that tone of voice he had. He truly always made you feel great.

Drying the tears…



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