The Future

My Dearest,

I’m working on an opportunity right now. One that we had discussed doing if we ever had the chance and the means to do it. I’m sitting here crying instead of working on numbers because the moment I started typing in numbers…it was as if I could hear your voice and I was transported back in time for a split second. I could hear us talking – you talking. It is so strange to be doing this without you. Although, I feel you every step of the way. A fiber in my being. One that is and always will be a part of me. It is strange though that I am possibly living something we saw in the future for the both of us. I don’t care much for this altered future.

The past couple of days have been a little difficult. I know it is just the emotions that have been pushed aside for the past month surfacing. I’ve gotten really good at knowing that this is coming. I don’t necessarily make time for it but have found that is when it smacks me the hardest…allowing me to function on the lowest level. So, I try and embrace it and work with it. To feel the tears on my face and acknowledge the heaviness that I feel in my chest. The physical pain. The emotional pain. Pain that I didn’t know even existed. I’m learning to live with this being a part of my everyday life.

I hope you know that there is not a moment where I do not think of you.

I’m sorry – I can’t write anymore right now. It isn’t a good night. The tears will not stop…

I love you.

 

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