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My Dearest Lido,

Momom isn’t doing to well on keeping up on these blog posts…just get me past this next week and I’ll be better.

In the past month, you have continued to amaze me in regards to your amazing skills of going to the bathroom on your own…You’ve graduated to telling me to ‘walk away’ and that ‘I can do it’ or ‘my turn to do it’. Please, remember that you don’t have to grow up so fast. You know this right?

You don’t know this yet but you are going to be moving up a classroom in June. You’ll be with the older kids and I think that you will do well. Especially since it is summer time and you’ll be doing a lot outdoors. You won’t have to have so much classroom time. In the fall I think you’ll be moving to a new school where you will hopefully spend a few years. I just can’t believe we are at this point in your little life. Looking at where you’ll go to kindergarten and first grade…

I’ve been really busy with the foundation lately and feel like we haven’t really done much, just you and I. Spring is definitely in the air and I’m looking forward to summer with you. I do love spring. New life, rebirth, but it also holds such a sad place in my heart. Last year, it was very hard to reach this season. So unfair. I longed for your Dad to just hold my hand again and come play with us. I buried myself into doing housework, planting, gardening – thinking that this would help me – if I just faced everything head on. Looked at it all straight in the face and told it to fuck off. You want flowers to grow? I’ll plant the damn things. That was my attitude.

This year, it isn’t as hard mainly because all of the myriad of pains are not quite so present. They are still there but I feel that I can move forward little by little with my ‘new life’. I have no idea what the future has in store for either of us. I typically feel that I just can’t do this on my own but I know we are alright. As long as I stay focused on you and I.

I wish with my whole heart that your Dad was here to see how much you have grown. You impress me my little one. You give me strength, you give me gray hair, you give me sleepless nights and then make up for it by your smile in the morning.

I love you with my whole heart.

In this life and the next,

Your Momom

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