The next day

My Darling,

Your birthday this year was a huge deal. We always celebrated birthdays in a pretty grand style but this one, topped them all.

Except for one thing.

You were not there with us.

Instead, there were over 100 people celebrating you and celebrating the foundation that I started because of you. It was an amazing night. Quite busy for me and I plan to go to Lidia’s for lunch this next week so that I can eat some of the food that was catered – but I didn’t get to eat that night.

But now it is the ‘day after’. After many months of emotions being put on hold in order to get through HeliExpo and the benefit – I feel them all crashing down on me. I miss you so much. I miss being a part of you and your life. I miss making plans with you, being held by you. Over the past couple of months, I have felt that I have started to come alive again. That I could hold you in my heart, cry from missing you but I could also start doing things for me and Liam. I was beginning to feel the happiness in the world again. But then I wonder if all of this wasn’t because I was so busy with so many things.

I think it is a bit of both.

It’s the roller coaster of widowhood. Of grief.

I feel I need to recharge the batteries again. I’m not quite sure how to do this. I feel that it is only my own words of encouragement – my own words to myself – that can help me. Although, I miss his words of encouragement. I need those. I want that person back in my life that I can completely depend on. I’m so tired of picking myself up again and again.

But that is what I will do.

And I’ll be fine.

I’ll play your song.

I love you.

Happy Birthday.

In this life and the next,


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