Year Two

I don’t feel as optimistic as I felt at the 1 year mark. I’m not sure why I felt optimistic then. Maybe because I had actually continued to breath for an entire year? Maybe because my heart, unbelievably, had not stopped beating?

Now, after completing year two…I feel absent.

Some good things have happened in the past year and some really shitty things have happened. The first 6 months felt as if I was heading towards some semblance of life. The last 6 months. Not really. Most of the time I wonder if I’m cursed. How much can we really take? I’m at the end of my rope. That’s for sure. I have one handful of people I still believe in and cherish. For me, that thought is just so sad. I suppose it is time to write off so much of what I thought about people and about life and start anew. And there will certainly be a very thick wall surrounding me. I’m not sure how to exist otherwise.

My heart is just quite heavy these days. I absolutely ache for my best friend. The one person that knew me the best. I am so angry that his life was taken. I’m so angry at it all.

 

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