New Wheels

Lido and I both got new wheels over the past couple of weeks.

First up was Lido. He got a real balancing bike…we were going for the bike with training wheels but he’s had a balancing bike for the past couple of summers (with wide wheels) that he’s been using and I decided that he could probably go from a regular tire balance bike to a regular bike quite easily. So, balancing bike it was and he is AWESOME on it. I think by the time ‘real summer’ hits, we will have a regular bike in our possession and he will be riding around the neighborhood!

It wasn’t as hard to get this bike as I thought it would be. I guess I’ve been dreading it for so long that the dread is worse than the actual – as it is with anniversaries and other dates. It’s the days leading up to ‘the date’ than the actual date that is the hardest. Plus, Lido just loves his new bike and even will talk to complete strangers to tell them that he got a new bike! He hardly talks to people he knows let alone strangers! We walked/rode to dinner one evening and he was just so proud of himself on the bike. At first he was pretty hesitant to get on the bike and walked it instead, staying right beside me…then on a quieter street, he got on and was a block ahead of me in no time. Ahhhh, my little boy.

And then Momma got some new wheels as well…

It’s taken me a year to finally trade in our SUV. The last major purchase that Doug and I made…The car that still had his lip imprints on the passenger side rear window from when he kissed Lido goodbye – the one’s I didn’t ever want to wash off. I can still see them there. The car where we got stuck in the backseat feeding Lido and forgot the child locks were on. The car that took us out to the coast on many occasions that spring and summer before he died.

I woke up the other day and just decided to do it. I wasn’t using the SUV like we did before. I wanted a regular car to drive around town. I found one that I really liked. Went back home to get the title to the SUV, looked for signs telling me not to do this. Didn’t receive any signs, as a matter of fact, the title and checkbook took me no time at all to find, which was really surprising and I got back in the car and drove to the dealer…crying the whole time.

In some ways, that SUV still attached me to him. It was something tangible that I could feel and touch every single day to remind myself that we did exist. That it wasn’t a dream. Now though, I was at the point that I’ve learned that it’s not the tangible things, it’s the intangible things that still connect us. The talks and feelings that we had only between the two of us. The deep love between the two of us that will never go away. Those are the things that matter the most and that will never go away. There is no more need to hold on to everything physical.

This is not a ‘moving on’ post…There is no ‘moving on’ – god how I hate when people say that. It’s a moving forward – moving forward with everything that we ever had, ever created, ever shared and becoming the person that is made up of all of that and more.

And, I love my new ride.

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