Finger

So Dodo and Lido are at the grocery store and I thought I would get the turkey burgers, frittata and dinner made while they were gone…lots of similar veggies to chop…but since I cut my finger I decided that I would get a blog in and get blood over the keyboard versus over our veggies…it has been a LONG time and I haven’t even done Lido’s 10 month letter yet.  I will in the next couple of days. I promise.

Lately it has been a long haul to get through the days, the weeks, the months. I am not sure what is going on with me but man – it needs to level out. June brought good running vibes and was totally into it and had my goals set in place. Then July hit and along with it came late meetings, early mornings, cranky midnight/early morning baby, stress, stress, and fucking more stress. The everyday thought that we have no idea what will happen in September when Dodo hits his thousand flight hours. Do we move do we stay do we – what the hell do we do? Thus July was a completely no running month – except for the second to last week and I rocked…then 106 degree temperatures hit and I spent money that we didn’t have in order to buy a window unit for downstairs so we wouldn’t die of heat stroke or have to be holed up in our bedroom with the door closed for eternity.

Stress. That is about all I feel. Well, that and overwhelmed, under paid, lost, found, lost again, happy, sad, excited, nervous, ambitious, lazy as hell, confused, bewildered, and lost again.

I know what I want but I’m afraid to think too much about it because I know that I need to be available to all kinds of options in order for Dodo to get the helicopter job thing going. I don’t want to deviate from that because I know that it is going to pay off in the long-run. I want to dream of owning a home again. I want to dream of being in a place where we have a ton of friends and things to do with other people on the weekends. I want to dream of being able to afford a vacation as a family. I want to dream of just visiting some of our relatives. I’d like all of those dreams to come true though and I feel like until we know where Dodo is I shouldn’t bother dreaming those things because I’ll just be disappointed.

Wow. So not like me.

Although I am not typically an uber optimistic person, I am not an uber negative person. Right now though – I’m just existing. Breathing. That is it.

I need to get out of this funk. I need to rid myself of the negatives in my life. I need to set boundaries. Above all – I need to dream a bit and believe in those dreams coming true.

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