23 Months

My Dearest Lido,

Only one more month of counting by months for you…

My how you have changed over the past few weeks. It seems like it is always something new and I’ve been trying to be better about remembering everything so that I can put it into these letters. My mind is still not remembering as much as it used to. But here it goes…

The big thing we did this month was take a trip to Puerto Rico! I was really dreading the flight there and especially the drive that followed the flight in order for us to get to our fantastic destination. Like always, you surprised me…You were perfect on both flights and slept a lot of them. It probably helped that you are now totally into Little Einstein and Elmo (I was a bit surprised by the latter since you never watch it at home…) and so you watch both over and over again. We were greeted with nice (non-humid) weather and no car service…so that was a bit of a stress but we found a car service to haul all 7 of us that went. Our final destination from San Juan was Rincon. The drive was interesting to say the least. I laugh at this because it would have been a situation that your Dad and I would have been in together. So, I guess was probably more my karma than his all these years since it is continuing. At least we have him watching over us! The driving there is pretty wild. No concern for most traffic laws other than red lights and I think those are optional in certain circumstances. Our driver and his friend though were wonderful and stopped so we could have a real dinner on our way. We ate Mofongo which is a typical Puerto Rican dish. It was delicious and calmed the stomachs full of peanuts, crackers and soda.

We arrived in Rincon to our villa in the evening and didn’t get to really see anything outside of the villa…although we heard the crashing of the waves against the sand right below us. You were not too thrilled about that. It was an intense sound and you clung to me and refused to go near the ledge of the balcony.

However, the next day you started on your way of getting used to the sand, ocean and pool!

I can typically count on you to take at least 45 minutes to warm up to anything. Sometimes it is more, sometimes it is less. Your Nanna would take you in the mornings and get you breakfast and take you to play in the sand and the ocean and then it would be up to the rooftop pool for mid-morning fun. You became our little water baby. Jumping into the pool, swimming by yourself. It was amazing how quickly you became a daredevil!

There wasn’t much to do other than to play in the pool or on the beach and in the ocean, so that is exactly what we did. We did take a catamaran sunset cruise one evening for your Nanna’s birthday. This was interesting as a storm came through right as we were supposed to get on the boat. The boat captain had been trying to call me to cancel and by the time I looked at my phone, we were already there waiting for him. He decided that he was good with going if we were up to it…

So we threw off our shoes and swung our legs overboard the small boat that took us out to the catamaran. That is where things got tricky. The rain and wind started coming and we had to haul ourselves up and over the catamaran while the waves were crashing and the rain was pouring. You were the first one in the boat and stayed sitting where it was dry until I got in. You were such a brave boy. All the rest of the girls (you were the only male all week…) climbed aboard and we set sail. The rain stopped after about 20 minutes and we had Pina Coladas (virgin for you) and cheese and crackers and lots of laughter at how drenched we all were. I don’t think anyone thought that we would be ‘roughing’ it on a ‘sunset cruise’…

You had a lot of fun and the boat captain let you help steer and he even caught a tuna and captivated you. You laid on the edge of the boat and just watched the water…you were a happy boy and you were taking it all in. And you had the best sea legs out of all of us!

I think that was the highlight of our trip.

This month you have been putting more words together and making short little sentences. You are still just as demanding as you always have been when it comes to feeding you. I even made a tater tot casserole for you and I ended up being the one who ate all of it because no matter how many times I tried it out on you, you refused to eat it.

You say please now when you would like something – most of the time. It is very cute how you say it. You try very hard words and refuse to name any color it’s true color…it is always yellow or black. You repeated ‘agricultural field’ when we were landing in KC…I was pointing something out to you and said those words. When watching Baby Einstein before you go to bed you always point out the metronome in the video and you are very clear about it as well. You still stay away from most single syllable words and go for the 3 or 4 syllable words. I think it is great…and also think that you are the smartest kid in the history of the universe.

You are silly at times and very silly at times. I stopped closing the baby gate to your room, so in the morning you get up, go downstairs, get a breakfast bar out of your snack drawer, go back upstairs and wake me up, sit in bed with me and eat the breakfast bar…getting crumbs all over my bed. You also tell Panda Kitty to stop whatever it is that she is doing – even just lying there. You still love it when she licks your head but always say ‘ouch’ when she licks your arm or hand. You absolutely love dogs and puppies but are scared when the little yappy dogs bark at you – which we are surrounded by them on both sides of our house. However, only two of them are ever outside. I’m kind of glad that you are like that with the little dogs…I’d rather have a bigger dog.

You started a new daycare this month and you are liking it more this week than you did the last week. You have two friends there so that helps during the day. They come to visit you and give you hugs and B shows you the cool toys to play with and wants to teach you how to get more food at lunchtime…She loves you as does RoRo. He watches out for you too.

I feel like the past month and a half has just been crazy with people visiting, shit happening, vacations, new schools, etc. I think that you are a bit glad to be home and around your things and in your bed. We are slowly establishing a bit of routine. You like your routines. It has been tough these past few week with various things – all of which are just hard on me rather than you. However, I know that if I’m not happy then you’re not happy. And above all else, I want you to have the happiest childhood I can give you. I want to protect you from sadness and my grief. I try but I know it makes me hold off on grieving for your Daddy. I take moments out of the day and I still cry in front of you sometimes. I still don’t know how to handle all of this. I’m really trying hard though to make a life for you and me. To do things for us. And only us. To concentrate on us.

24 months is coming up and with that brings so much. Your 2nd birthday and the mark of the first year without your Daddy. I know he watches over you and sees who you are becoming and he would be so proud of you. I wish so much that you could have spent more time with him and him with you. It is unfair. He was a great Daddy to you and he made our family. I hope that I am doing everything that I can for you. That you are having fun with me. That you are learning and are happy. I just want you to be happy.

I love you my dear child and you do bring me the only joy in my life (no pressure). You are incredible and I love you very much.

Love always in this life and the next,

Your MomMom

You and MomMom…trying to take a picture one handed while holding you…

MomMom and Lido hanging out in the pool…

MomMom and Lido relaxing in the hammock

Sunset Cruise

Helping pilot the boat

Tranquil

Even more tranquil

Wondering if we are going to catch any more fish…

Sunset dip in the ocean…

Sunset our last night in Rincon…